


Shot Through the Heart

by kilobyte



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Character Death, Fake AH Crew, GTA! au, M/M, Mentions of graphic violence, and a mention of torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-01-28 19:02:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12613308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kilobyte/pseuds/kilobyte
Summary: One of you is a man on the run from their past. The other is a mass-murderer working for one of the largest gangs in the city. You both lived a simple life together until your secrets threatened to tear it apart.





	1. Let's Hear it for America's Sweethearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You had left your past far behind you and you now lived a simple life with your loving partner. Until your demons sneak up behind you and topple over your perfectly constructed tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I’m a huge pile of trash for the rate at which I create content huh?  
> Regardless, this has actually been something in the works for the past two or so years; my brain randomly decided it would be fun to restart it while in class the other day and it kinda’ just happened. This will be 3 parts, and I hope you enjoy all of them! Feel free to leave some comments down below, I always welcome some commentary and some advice!  
> \- kilobyte

    It’s rumored that time slows down when you’re witnessing something you’d rather not see. Everything is happening at normal speed around you, yet you process the event in front of you at a fraction of a second. You’d never had any reason to believe this until today; not many traumatic events had unfolded near you. No sudden car crashes, no family members dying out of nowhere. Some people would call you lucky.

    Until now that is because the world is moving at a snail’s pace before your eyes. Your mouth is beginning to open, a scream about to begin so all you currently hear is the blood rushing to your ears and a gun being fired. You see a bullet pass through your friend’s skull, a clean shot. Their body begins to fall to the floor, the life quickly draining from their familiar eyes as the body crumples onto itself. You see some smoky wisps from the corner of your eye, rising from the barrel of the now murder weapon.

    As the world finally catches up to normal speed, your scream finally begins to reach your ears until a hand is quickly thrown in front of your mouth.

* * *

    You lived a simple life.

    A small apartment in the downtown of a bustling city. A crime-ridden one, sure, but you’ve lived here for years and it’s become home. Especially in the last year, ever since you moved in with your boyfriend. You share this two-bed one-bath space with him. You fall asleep in his arms and wake up in them the next morning. He cooks you both breakfast while you shower, making you heart-shaped pancakes with a whipped-cream smile on top. He laughs when you call him a dork and smiles when you compliment his cooking skills.

    Shortly after eating, you both leave for work after he places a kiss on top of your forehead. He goes about an hour away to do tech for a theatre company, and you head off to a local Gamestop to work behind the counter, selling games and dealing with annoying patrons. You eat the lunch he packed you, typically a sweet note is resting atop your sandwich or fruit gummies, and finish suffering through your 9-5 shift.

    You normally get home first, and whip something up for dinner (normally take-out, your idea of fine dining is a tray of Totino’s Pizza Rolls after all). Right as the food is finished, he always seems to walk in. It’s almost terrifying how he pulls it off night after night. You sit down and tell him about your day, what customers annoyed you and what things you accomplished around the store. You don’t normally hear about his day; his being summarized in about 10-20 words. He does the same work every day, he argues. At least retail is a new experience every day. You’ve come to expect the answer he gives.

    After dinner, you spend the rest of the evening either watching a movie together or he watches as you game, your fingers moving around the controller as his fingers run through your hair. A few hours later you both retire to bed, his lips meeting yours for a brief moment before the lights are off and you're wrapped in his arms once more.

    This is your life. Your simple, love-filled life.

    Until now.

* * *

    You should’ve known that today was different in some way. Something in the back of your mind tells you that today was different and you should’ve known from the start that things weren’t going to pan out as normal. Things were not as they seemed.

    It was your day off.  You’d covered a Saturday shift for a co-worker a few weeks back and in return, he took your Wednesday shift. You’d planned on sleeping in until about 11, then play some games until your boyfriend returned home. That’s when you’d planned to surprise him and take him to a fancy restaurant a few blocks away, treating him like the King he was in your eyes. Shed your normal t-shirt and cargo short aesthetic for a classy suit and tie. Maybe even whip out that tiny blue box that’s been burning a hole in your sock drawer for about a month now.

    So when you heard a ringtone go off at 7 in the morning, it wasn’t hard to explain why you were less than pleased. You heard your partner pick up the phone, speak into it a few times, then hang it up with a few muttered curses. You hear yourself mumble out if he’s okay. He kisses your head in response before speaking in a whisper.

    “Sorry babe, they’re having some issues down at the theatre that they need another set of eyes on. I should be back around my normal time though.”

    “S’okay. I love you, Ryan.” You hear him chuckle a bit. As your world fades away once more you hear him speak again.

    “I love you too Ray.”

* * *

    You awaken again at the time you originally planned to, your eyes squinting to adjust to the lights pouring through your window. After trying to fall back asleep a few times you eventually submit to being awake and go have a quick shower. You get dressed and put on your glasses, your eyes now able to see things around you. You begin to make a pot of coffee and put a pair of chocolate-chip Eggo Waffles in your toaster, listening to some music filtering out of the radio. As you’re pulling your Eggo’s from the toaster, the chocolate just barely melted, you hear your phone go off a few feet away on the counter. You pick it up and see a number you don’t recognize. Confused, you pick up the phone, confirming in your head that you will hang up if it’s a telemarketer.

    “Ray speaking.”

    “Ray! It’s Kerry, how ya’ doing buddy?” Kerry was an old friend from high school and a former work associate, and while you two aren’t as close as you used to be, you still get together from time to time to catch up and hang out. You haven’t heard from him since you moved into the apartment, however. He must’ve gotten a new phone, you realize, and you just didn’t get the new number.

    “Hey man, I’m alright. How’re you?”

    “Not gonna lie, I’ve been better. Would you mind if I swung by for a few minutes? Kinda’ need a big favor and it’d be easier to explain in person.” You hesitate for a minute, wondering what he could want, before eventually agreeing. “Sweet! Thanks so much man. You still living near the mall?” After telling him your new address he says his thanks and hangs up, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

    You and Kerry have had a complicated past. Both of you made bad choices in your past that took you down a bad path and you struggled to escape it. To your knowledge, Kerry had left that life as well but for all you know, he could come in here asking you to come back to that life.

    And you don’t know what your answer would be.

* * *

    He knocks at your door about an hour later, after the pot of coffee is gone along with the toaster waffles. You open the door to his smiling face, but it isn’t hard to see the fear and exhaustion in his eyes; when you see that it confirms that this isn’t going to be a simple favor.

    “Hey man!” Kerry opens his arms a bit and you give him a quick embrace before pulling back, a small smile on your face.

    “Hey man, come on in,” You lead him to your living room, and he sits down in the chair facing away from the door and facing towards your bedroom. “Do you want something to drink?”

    “Nah man I’m good, I kinda don’t have a lot of time, to be honest.” He says with a nervous smile, and you sigh inwardly.

    “So what’s this about?” He sighed in response.

    “I got found out man. I was hired by this group of guys to leak information about another group to these guys from the inside. Just some small stuff, like group size, when they were gonna’ make moves, what the moves were, simple stuff. And they found me out,” He laughed then, a sad nervous laugh. “I don’t know how or who found out, but they figured it out and they’re coming for me.”

    There was a pause of silence in the room as you process what you just heard. “Who’s after you?”

    “It’s not import-”

    “Who’s after you, Kerry?” You cut off, and he sighs in response once more.

    “The Fakes,” He admits, and your blood runs cold. “It’s the Fakes.”

    The Fake AH Crew. The largest, strongest crew in all of Los Santos. Known for their core group of six and yet they have almost a hundred people at their disposal. They’re feared for their brute strength, their cunning tactics, and their horrific elimination methods. You’ve heard the rumors about what they do to those who betray them and the lengths they will go to ensure your demise. To summarize, they’re fucking terrifying, and you immediately know that you can’t get involved.

    “Why the hell would you work against the Fakes?” You exclaim, and Kerry runs a shaky hand through his already disheveled hair.

    “It just seemed like a good job at the time! The pay was good and it didn’t seem like it was going to be too hard of a job.”

    “But they’re the Fakes! The strongest crew in the city Kerry!” You sound like his mother at this point, scolding a disobedient child.

    “I know!” He sighs once more, and the noise makes you want to shoot yourself before he does it again. “Listen, I just need your help getting out of town for a while.”

    “I don’t know if I can; it’s too risky.” You admit and he stares at you in frustration.

    “Keep in mind I did the same thing for you not too long ago.” He points out and your heart stops beating for a moment. “You owe me one.”

    “That was different.” You manage to say and he scoffs.

    “Really? The situation seems pretty similar to me Ray.”

    “Kerry-” You try to cut in but he keeps going.

    “No! You came to me, panicked because you had stolen from the Box and you needed to get out,” He gives a bitter laugh. “And now I come to you, in the same fucking predicament and you tell me no? You’re just a fucking hypocr-” He stops and turns his head towards the door, and you hear the jingle of keys before the door clicks and swings open.

* * *

     Ryan walks in, wearing a jacket you swear you’ve seen before but can’t place. His hair is slightly disheveled and you swear the bags under his eyes are more prominent than they were last night. He looks at you, then Kerry, then back to you again. “Everything okay in here?” He asks, and your voice is caught in your throat for a moment. “I heard yelling from the hall.”

    “Yeah,” You choke out, your heart beating a mile a minute. “We just got a bit heated for a minute there. You’re home early.”

    “I’m not staying; I forgot something in my rush out the door this morning and had to come back to grab it.” He gave a small smile and you calm down a bit, despite your hesitation to believe him. You know Ryan would never forget anything as he’s organized beyond belief. Compared to your scrambling in the morning, he’s the most organized man in the world. Suddenly you’re pulled from your thoughts when you hear him speak once more, and the fear runs back through your veins. “Who’s your friend here, I don’t think we’ve met.”

    “Oh,” You mumble. “Ryan, this is Kerry. Kerry, this is my boyfriend, Ryan.” You finally glance at Kerry once more to see his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. You’re so panicked already, seeing the fear in his eyes doesn’t help.

    Kerry stumbles through a hello and holds out his hand, and you can see it visibly shaking. Ryan takes it, a smirk-like smile spreading on his face and his ice-blue eyes appearing as if they were on fire. “Nice to meet you too, Kerry.” Maybe it’s the paranoia, but his words almost sound like a threat.

    Ryan excuses himself for a moment, saying he’s running to grab what he forgot.

* * *

    The minute you hear the bedroom shut, Kerry is swearing himself into the ground; shaking like a leaf, pacing, and his eyes giving off the appearance of a caged tiger.

    “Holy shit dude, are you okay?” You ask, and Kerry’s head snaps in your direction.

    “Did you set me up?” While your eyes widen in surprise, he asks again, his voice growing louder. “Did you fucking set me up, Ray?”

    “What? No!” You exclaim, and Kerry falls back into the chair, running his hands through his hair once more. “How the fuck would I have set you up?”

    “Then explain how the fuck one of the main Fakes is currently in your fucking bedroom Ray!”

    Your blood runs cold for what feels like the hundredth time in the past hour and your brain begins to run a mile a minute, your thoughts not lining up properly. There’s no way Ryan is a member of the Fakes, let alone one of the main members, right? You would’ve noticed something; something would’ve been off. That, or he’s just a better liar than you knew him to be.

    “You had no idea, did you?” Kerry asks quietly and you shake your head in response. You don’t know if it’s in denial or acceptance. “I can’t even be surprised, the Vagabond is the one that people know the least about,  but the jacket should have given it away.” Suddenly you remember where you know that jacket from. It’s all over the news, in every picture featuring the Fake AH Crew. Draped over the shoulders of a man with a skull mask and ice-blue eyes.

    “Holy fuck.” You mutter and Kerry stands up again.

    “Listen to me Ray, we need to go. We can still make it away from all of this if we leave now.” You feel numb and can’t respond; all you can do is stare. You just found out the best year of your life was based on a lie, what else would you be feeling? “Ray, we need to go.”

    That’s when you hear the bedroom door open again. Kerry freezes and stares in the direction of your bedroom. You don’t have the energy to move, all you can do is stare at your friend blankly. You hear footsteps coming closer and Kerry’s eyes grow wide as they stop right behind you. What you hear next is what finally snaps you out of your stupor.

    “I’m so sorry Ray.”

    That’s when the trigger is pulled and you watch your friend die right before your eyes.

* * *

    You begin to scream, and you aren’t really sure why. Is it fear and desperation? Or is it out of frustration? That’s when you feel his hand be clamped over your mouth and another one on your shoulder. You begin to struggle against it; fighting as hard as you can.

    “Ray, I need you to calm down okay?” You continue to struggle, fighting against his grip. “Ray please, I need you to calm down and listen to me; please.” You feel his grip loosen and you finally break free, standing and turning around to stare at him.

    “Why?” You choke out, your emotions overtaking your logic. “So you can lie to me again? Try and convince me that what he was saying is wrong?” You stare into his eyes, and you can see the guilt in his gaze.

    “No,” He says calmly, and he stares back into your eyes. “I’m not going to do that. I can explain everything to you, but it can’t be here,” He glances around you, at the body on the floor you can’t look at. “We need to get out of here before the police show up.”  He tries to reach for your hand but you move it away in a flash, ignoring the pain in his eyes

    “I know,” You state and he raises an eyebrow. “But I don’t know if I can trust you to take me somewhere safe.” He sighs slightly and his eyes glaze for a moment before he answers.

    “I doubt I can convince you to trust me again with the time we have,” Ryan holds his hand out, this time offering and not taking. “And I’m sorry that I broke that trust. I know you have questions that I have the answers to and I’m willing to give them to you.” His voice chokes a little and his eyes glaze over again. “I love you, Ray, I need you to believe in that. Not in me or in who you believe me to be, but  in my love for you.”

    You can’t think properly. You’re so hurt, so betrayed that you don’t know what to believe. All you know is that you don’t have much time, and, while you used to have access to them, you don’t have access to the resources to get yourself out of a situation like this.

    So you numbly nod your head and agree to go with him.

* * *

     He gives you five minutes to pack some things for a few nights, just until he can send someone to come and grab your stuff. You’re digging through your drawers, throwing your jeans, shirts, sweaters, and undergarments into a bag when you end up in your sock drawer. About to throw a pair of socks into your bag, you see a glimpse of blue velvet hit your eyes.

    You almost feel like crying, remembering how simple life was this morning. You were going to go to dinner, make memories. This was going to be the best night of your life. Now, you’re on the run with your boyfriend whose entire character could be a lie for all you know. You’ve heard the rumors about the Vagabond, the bloodthirsty monster who tortures victims at night; the horror story that parents tell their kids at night so that they eat their vegetables and clean their rooms.

    Compare that to Ryan, who asks you to kill the spiders.

    You feel a few stray tears well up in your eyes and you furiously blink them away. You’re stronger than this, you remind yourself. You’ve escaped a life like this in the past.

    You can do it again.

* * *

_“You can bow and pretend that_

_You don't, don't know you're a legend oh_

_Time, time, time hasn't told anyone else yet_

_(... I'm Sorry, I just...)_

_Let my love loose again”_

_\- America’s Suitehearts, Fall Out Boy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review?  
> \- kilobyte


	2. Down in the Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the day you’re a wanted criminal and a hit-man for the largest criminal organization in the city; but by night you live with your partner who has no idea what your true day job is. Until you come home to find your lover face to face with your newest target.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thank you all for the support last chapter! Like I said last time, I take anything I can get so even just seeing a kudos pop up makes me feel so happy :)  
> To be honest, I’m actually surprised I got this done within another year’s worth of time. I’m hoping to have Part Three up before the New Year as well but who knows, I’m still planning out some of the finer details so it might be a bit longer to get it up. Still, I can hope!  
> Here’s Part Two! Feel free to give me some feedback down below and I hope you enjoy!  
> -kilobyte

     This isn’t how you had wanted today to go.

     This was the worst possible way for him to find out your dirty secret. Your true job, the real place you’re going during your 9-5. He finally knew your occupation and you would suffer through the fallout. And here you are, pointing a gun at the person sitting across from him; a friend. The person who you just told him that you’re a mass murderer and didn’t conceal any of the nasty details.

     The person who also happens to be your target.

     So you pull the trigger and the world around you goes silent and all you can hear is the ringing between your ears. You watch as his body falls to the floor, the bullet having gone clean through his skull. You take another life and add his name to a list of hundreds, yet he is one of the few who makes your stomach churn.

      You begin to hear again as you hear your partner scream.

* * *

     To a normal person, you lived a simple life.

     You wake up to a loving boyfriend in your arms and make him breakfast while he takes a shower. You eat breakfast together while you chuckle at his jokes and flirtatious comments. He leaves to go to his 9-5 at GameStop while you leave to go to the theatre company that you work for, which is about a twenty minute drive from your apartment. You’re mornings are so mundane and average that when you head to work it’s almost as if you’d been watching the morning on a television screen rather than living it. In reality you don’t work at some theatre company miles away, you’re driving a few blocks down the road to a penthouse that overlooks the city. To the main base of the Fake AH Crew.

     What began as a crime duo that was robbing convenience stores had quickly expanded into the largest criminal empire in San Andreas and one of the largest on the western side of the United States. Known for their large elaborate heists that rarely went off without any hiccups and their brutal elimination techniques. They were a force to be reckoned with and anyone who opposed them was killed shortly after. They were gods among men; unstoppable forces. The Fakes had a member count into the hundreds, and yet they truly consisted of a core 6 members. The one’s in the public eye, the names that were on wanted posters and blared on news programs.

     The newest was Jeremy Dooley, who had built up a reputation for undercover work on the streets while going by the name “Rimmy Timmy”. Of course, your boss thought that was hilarious and took him in full time. Then there was Michael “Jersey Devil” Jones, who had knack for explosives and demolition, and had the temper to reflect it. The final member of the younger three was Gavin Free, also known as “The Golden Boy”. He’d been one of the first to join as the group’s hacker, but had quickly evolved into both that and their front-man. He was recognizable for his expensive attire, and the public knew your boss treated him like the son he never had.

     There was also the original duo. Jack “Beardo” Pattillo was known for her amazing piloting skill but was the resident mom in the penthouse. She took care of her boys and made sure none of them got too hurt while out in the town. Then there was your boss, Geoff “Kingpin” Ramsey. He’d had a dream when he moved to Los Santos and he made sure he achieved it. He wanted to be the King on top of the world, have power over the system. He wanted to be above the law. And with the help of Jack and his crew he lived that dream every day.

     That only left you. You were a member of this ragtag group of criminals, and you played the worst role. The executioner, the undertaker. You killed without mercy and tortured your victims until you heard the words you wanted to hear. The Vagabond. The Mad King.

     The public thought you were a monster. You used to take pride in that assumption.

     Until you met the love of your life.

     Now, you go home every evening and sit through dinner and act as though the past 8 hours of your life hadn’t happened. While eating spaghetti you act as though you hadn’t blown up and robbed a bank earlier that day. When you watch T.V after dinner, your partner’s favourite program blaring through the speakers, you try to forget that you tortured a man by cutting off his fingers one by one until he sang the tune you wanted to hear. While you laugh and respond to your partner's flirtatious comments you ignore the fact that you gunned down over 20 officers that day, all with families of their own. When you drift off to sleep with him in your arms you try to forget all of the blood on your hands.

     You try, but you can’t. That man in your arms deserves to know what you’re doing with your life, what he’s signed up for. Deep down, you know you’re a monster and he deserves to know that too. It leaves guilt gnawing away in your gut, eating a tiny piece every day that passes.

     It’s the only guilt you feel regarding these acts at all.

     And while it used to be a thing you could shrug away, the guilt you don’t feel scares you more than you can admit.

* * *

 

     You should have known from the moment you heard your cell ringing that today wasn’t going to go the way you had planned. Especially once you heard the voice of your boss on the other side.

     “Ryan speaking.”

     “There’s a meeting in an hour. You’re expected to be there.”

     “Is it important?”

     “Very. Got a special assignment for everyone.”

     “Fine. I’ll be in soon.”

     “See you then.” The dial tone rings through the phone you sigh deeply.

     “Fucking hell.” You mutter quietly and place down your phone. You feel your boyfriend shifting beside you, a tiny groan escaping his lips.

     “You okay?” He mumbles and your lips spread upwards.

     “Sorry babe, they’re having some issues down at the theatre that they need another set of eyes on. I should be back around my normal time though.”

     “S’okay. I love you Ryan.” You chuckle a bit quietly and your smile grows.

     “I love you too Ray.” You press a kiss to his forehead and get out of bed, the smile still present.

     After a quick shower you’re heading down to the parking garage of the building, climbing into your car, and driving off to the penthouse, a calm song playing quietly over the radio. You’re left alone with your thoughts, and you run through the plan for that night once again. You’d come home and surprise Ray by taking him to a fancy restaurant, and confess your sins. You’d come clean about everything; tell him anything he wants to know. He would learn the truth, see the man behind the mask. After that, you didn’t know what would happen.

     You just hoped that everything would work out.

* * *

      After parking in the penthouse’s private garage and grabbing your trademark leather jacket from the trunk (you decided to pass on the skull mask; the other five have seen your face and it’s too early to give a damn), you head up the elevator to where the rest of the crew lived. You had a room here too, it’s just barely been used in the past year. You would rather be at home with the man you loved then here all alone in a bed too big for just one. After talking with a few of the members who are lingering in the kitchen, getting coffee to be functional at this hour, Geoff calls you all into the meeting room with a somber look on his face and a file lying on the table.

     “I’m gonna’ cut to the chase. We have a rat,” Michael and Jeremy begin to mutter among themselves, and Geoff raises his hands in a silent surrender. “We don’t know a lot of the finer details, but Gavin’s looking into it. All we know is who they are and who they reported to.”

     “Boss, I don’t mean to be rude, but why is this coming to us? We’ve had moles before and we’re pretty deep into planning that strike on those jewelry stores in a couple of weeks.” Jeremy asks and Geoff’s somber look becomes even more bitter.

     “The group got word and warned the mole. I had delegated it to a smaller team but he didn’t report to work yesterday. So, this is now a higher priority that before. While Gavin continues to gather the final details and figure out how they found out that we knew, I want you, Michael, and Jack to plan a small strike on their base of operations. They’re pretty open about their location so it shouldn’t be a difficult hit. We can push the jewelry heist back a few days if we need to. Everyone good?” The group nodded their heads, including yourself. “Good, then you’re all dismissed,” You stand to leave, listening to Michael mutter about getting up at 8 AM for this, until your boss cuts you off. “Ryan, hang back a minute.”

     You hesitate for a second and sit back down, watching the others file out slowly. The minute the door is closed you hear your boss sigh and you look over at him. “What do you need?”

     Geoff chuckles in response. “Always business with you. Not even a ‘how ya doing Geoff?’,” He sighed again and placed his hand on the file. “I need you to track down the mole and gather as much information as you can.”

     “Who am I looking for?” You ask and Geoff slides the file your way. You open it and see a blonde-haired man staring back at you.

     “His name’s Kerry Shawcross. All you should need to know is in the file.” You nod and stand up.

     “It’ll be done within 48 hours.” You state, turning to walk out the room.

     “And Ryan?” Geoff asks, and you turn and look back at him, an eyebrow raised. “Good luck tonight.” You give a tight smile and nod quickly.

     “Thanks Geoff.”

* * *

      A few hours of reading on the couch later and you have a basic grasp on where Shawcross will be (he’s got an apartment on the other side of town that he’ll probably go back to at some point), and what you need to find out. You’re reorganizing the papers into the file when you hear footsteps coming up behind you. You turn to find Gavin standing behind you, a friendly smile on his face.

     “Hello Ryan!” He greets cheerfully and you give a small smile in return.

     “Hey Gavin, what’re you up to?”

     “Glad you asked!” He exclaims, and you chuckle quietly at his enthusiasm. “While investigating Shawcross’s connections I managed to get into his phone and turned on his location settings,” His grin manages to get even wider. “I’m sending you a live feed of his location to your phone.”

     “Well that makes my job a whole lot easier.” You stand up and pull your phone out of your pocket. “Thank you Gavin.”

     “No problem!” He gives a little wave once more and walks away, leaving you to open the file he sent your way. It processes for a moment before opening up a map application, giving you directions to his exact location. You find yourself looking at a not too far commute, in fact he seems to be heading closer to your direction with every second that passes. You quickly run to your car, hoping to catch him before you go for lunch.

* * *

      A few minutes later you realize you’re pulling up to your apartment building, and watch Shawcross enter into your lobby. You furrow your eyebrows and feel a wave of anxiousness rush over you. What business does a person like Shawcross have in your building? You’ve had the building scoped out in the past 3 months, just to make sure Ray is living somewhere where people won’t be able to hurt him, and the search came back clean. The only thing making you less anxious is the fact that Ray would be at work by now, so there’s no danger here for him.

     Deciding to park your car on the road so you can follow him, you get out of the car and walk into the lobby, noting how the one elevator your apartment building had seemed to be stopped on your floor. Another wave of anxiety hits you as you call the elevator back to take you up, your heart beating in your chest the whole time. Your ride up seemed to go by as slow as possible. The fact that he was on your floor made things even worse. Was it a coincidence? Did he know you lived there and was trying to get the jump on you? Or was he trying to find something to use against you?

     Did he know about Ray?

     You've never been great with your emotions. In fact, until you got together with Ray, you were practically emotionless. You would react to nothing and nothing would faze you. So the fact that you were all but having an internal panic attack in the elevator only made you more nervous and anxious.

     The doors open and you all but run out of the elevator, not even thinking about how you don’t have your mask and how Shawcross has never seen your face. You tear your keys out of your pocket to unlock the door, but pause right outside of it. You hear a voice being raised on the other side.

     “- in the city Kerry!” You recognize Ray’s voice right away, noting how tired he sounded. It took his voice to remind you that today was his day off, and you immediately felt more nervous than before. Shawcross was in the same room as Ray, and you had no idea why.

    “I know!” You hear someone who has to be Shawcross sigh. “Listen, I just need your help getting out of town for a while.”

    “I don’t know if I can; it’s too risky.”

    “Keep in mind I did the same thing for you not too long ago.” That peaks your interest, and you find yourself more curious than you can admit in the moment. “You owe me one.”

    “That was different.” You can almost see Ray looking down, avoiding Shawcross’s eyesight as he sits as stiff as a board.

    “Really? The situation seems pretty similar to me Ray.”

    “Kerry-”

    “No! You came to me, panicked because you had stolen from the Box and you needed to get out,” You hear a sad and nervous laugh, and you decide you’re done listening. “And now I come to you, in the same fucking predicament and you tell me no? You’re just a fucking hypocr-” You twist the doorknob and walk in, wondering what the hell was going on.

    You regret that choice the minute you look around.

* * *

     You walk in and look at Ray, who is staring at you as if you’ve grown three heads. Then your eyes find Shawcross, who is seated across from Ray and is looking like a deer in headlights who knows he’s about to run over. You then look back to Ray again, deciding to focus on the one who you care for significantly more. “Everything okay in here?” You ask, trying to act as casually as you can. “I heard yelling from the hall.”

    “Yeah,” Ray says almost too quickly. “We just got a bit heated for a minute there. You’re home early.” You almost pause, but you manage to pull something out of your ass about forgetting to grab something. You know Ray won’t believe it though, he knows how organized you are. Then you look at Shawcross again, who hasn’t taken his eyes off of you. You wonder why he looks so scared. He’s never seen you without your mask before (which you kind of wish you’d grabbed in your rush into the building), and the only other identifier you have is your jack-.

    You’re an idiot, you realize with a sudden chill. You’re wearing your goddamn jacket and Shawcross knows who you are. You feel frozen with fear and doubt for a moment. He’s going to tell Ray the minute you leave them alone. Your secret will be out no matter what. You can’t just shoot him now and try and explain later, Ray would lose his mind and things would be way worse than if he hears it from someone else. You can’t even try and lie about being an undercover cop, because Shawcross would just yell out the truth anyways and Ray would know you’re lying. The only option you have right now is to play it as casual as you can and hope you’re misreading the situation.

    “Who’s your friend here, I don’t think we’ve met.”

    “Oh. Ryan, this is Kerry. Kerry, this is my boyfriend, Ryan.” Ray mumbles, and he seems nervous about something, but you don’t know what. You doubt he recognizes you too, but your nerves are so high that you can’t tell.

    Kerry stumbles through a hello and holds out his hand, and you can see it visibly shaking. You decide to be cocky and take it, a smirk spreading on your face. “Nice to meet you too, Kerry.” Maybe a silent threat will give him an excuse to keep his fucking mouth shut.

    You have no choice but to leave now. There’s really nothing you can do to prevent this anymore, you just have to see how this pans out. So you excuse yourself and leave the room, biting hard onto your lip the minute you’re out of view.

* * *

     A few seconds after you shut the bedroom door, you hear Ray speak up.

    “Holy shit dude, are you okay?”

    “Did you set me up?” A pause. “Did you fucking set me up Ray?”

    “What? No!” They’re yelling back and forth now, and your breath is caught in your throat. You almost want to cry in relief that Ray didn’t realize, but deep down you know that his whole world is about to be shattered. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it. “How the fuck would I have set you up?”

    “Then explain how the fuck one of the main Fakes is currently in your fucking bedroom Ray!”

     The room goes silent and you can hear your heartbeat in your ears. Everything you had planned, everything you had been hiding, thrown out the window in one sentence.

     In that moment, you decide that Shawcross is not leaving this apartment alive. Fuck interrogating him for information, your anger is too strong.

     You can hear them talking quietly, but you don’t care. You move swiftly to your closet, and pull out a small safe you kept at the top. Ray thought it held some important paperwork and other small things, but as you enter the code and pull out a pistol you add that lie to the list of hundreds. You head back to the door and hear Shawcross talking again.

    “Listen to me Ray, we need to go. We can still make it away from all of this if we leave now.” Your blood runs even colder, reaffirming your blood-lust. All you can see is red. “Ray, we need to go.”

     You open the bedroom door again and walk behind Ray. You watch as Shawcross freezes, staring with absolute terror. He can see the anger in your eyes and the gun in your hand. Ray doesn’t move and just stays slouched in his chair. Your heart feels like it’s broken into a million pieces. Your guilt is weighing heavily in your gut now, it’s all you can feel besides anger. You know you need to say something, so you manage to choke out something over your emotions.

     “I’m so sorry Ray.”

     That’s when the trigger is pulled and Ray gets to see who you really are for the first time.

* * *

     Ray begins to scream a second later, a pained cry which makes your heart break even more. You have no choice but to cover his mouth so the neighbours don’t question things anymore than they already do. The yelling they’ve already heard combined with a gunshot does not bode well for the situation. He begins to struggle against it, and you know you have to say something.

    “Ray, I need you to calm down okay?” He continues to struggle, fighting hard against your grip. “Ray please, I need you to calm down and listen to me; please.” Unable to deal with him struggle against you, you loosen your grip and you  let him break free. He turns and faces you, hatred and anger prevalent in his stare.

     “Why?” He cries. “So you can lie to me again? Try and convince me that what he was saying is wrong?” You can only look guiltily for a moment, because you know there’s no way you can fix this. Not without biting the bullet and facing your sins head on.

     “No,”You say as calmly as you can manage, though you swear your voice is shaking. “I’m not going to do that. I can explain everything to you, but it can’t be here. We need to get out of here before the police show up.”  You reach out to take his hand on instinct, and when he rips his hand away it hurts in a way that you’ve never felt before.

     “I know,” You can’t help but raise an eyebrow, only to sigh at what he says next. “But I don’t know if I can trust you to take me somewhere safe.”

     “I doubt I can convince you to trust me again with the time we have,” You offer your hand this time, ignoring how rejected you feel and prioritizing getting Ray to safety. “And I’m sorry that I broke that trust. I know you have questions that I have the answers to and I’m willing to give them to you.” You can’t help it when your voice breaks, because god be damned this was so painful. “I love you Ray, I need you to believe in that. Not in me or in who you believe me to be, but in my love for you.”

     You stand there with your hand held out, hoping that he takes it. Ray stares at you with trepidation, disappointment, and pure anger in his eyes. You feel like you’re being torn apart at the seams; your heart as fragile as glass. You knew he could hate you when you told him, you just didn’t expect it to hurt this badly.

     So despite how almost heartbroken he looks when he nods in agreement, you can’t help but feel the slightest amount of happiness.

* * *

      You send him off to pack as much as he can before they truly have to leave; your stuff can wait until he’s safe and sound. You’ve sent a message to Geoff, telling him to have a cleaning crew scrub down the apartment and bring their stuff to the penthouse. It’s not the best place to bring Ray, but it’s the only one you can think of short notice that isn’t too far removed from the city. You can feel him texting you constantly but that’s the farthest thing on your mind right now.

     Your lip is almost raw from how much you’ve bitten down on it in the past 5 minutes. You have so many questions about what just happened and why it panned out this way. How did Ray, your sweet and fairly innocent boyfriend, know a lying gang member like Shawcross? You know there’s a history there but you don’t know what. It never occurred to you that Ray had secrets of his own.

     Not nearly as bad as yours, though.

    You can only imagine what Ray is thinking, what horrible image he’s building of you. He probably sees you as a monster, just like the rest of this town. You wish you could turn back the clock and not walk in, leave the building and follow through with your original plan to tell him.

    This was not what you had planned.

    You find a few stray tears gathering in your eyes and you blink them away quickly. You just have to explain everything and hope to be forgiven.

    It’s all you had left.

* * *

  _“This situation's becoming dire._

_My tree house is on fire,_

_And for some reason I smell gas on my hands._

_This is not what I had planned._

_This is not what I had planned.”_

_\- Forest, Twenty One Pilots_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review?  
> \- kilobyte


End file.
